MENE TEKEL: The Handwriting on the Wall

This post is mostly just the notes from my pastor's message this morning, but it answered a lot of my, "Why is my own culture freaking me out more than all the Asians, Haitians, and Africans combined?" 

You can read past posts about how coming to America has sent my brain into a tail spin, but I thought I might not be the only person to benefit from this message so I'm relaying it here, so thanks Pastor Jeremy Godwin for being a "guest blogger" today! 

Can you read the handwriting on the wall?  Daniel 5:26-27 "God has numbered the days of your kingdom and brought it to an end; you have been weighed in the balances and found wanting." 

Is your life out of balance?  I searched the internet for a good image and this one was actually titled, "Mary's Unbalanced Life," so I took that as I sign that it was the one to use! 

My pastor speculated this morning that our number one problem is the PACE of our lives. Coming most recently from a much SLOWER Asian culture I can say, "TRUE STORY!" 

If the handwriting on your walls is saying, UNBALANCED! UNBALANCED! UNBALANCED! 

Then keep on reading my notes from this morning's service:  

   When My Life is Out of Balance:

1. The risk of making sinful (bad, dumb, wrong, unhealthy, unBiblical) choices greatly increases.

     Luke 21:34:  But watch yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and the cares of this life and that day come upon you suddenly like a trap. 

2.  My emotions are inconsistent. 

      Job 9:25:  My days are swifter than a runner, they flee away; they see no good. 

3. I am less productive.

     Proverbs 21:5: Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind. 

      Proverbs 19:2:  A person in a hurry makes mistakes. 

4.  I end up empty inside. 

     Ps. 39:6:  Surely a man goes about as a shadow! Surely for nothing they are in turmoil, man heaps up wealth and does not know who will gather. 

5.  I can't hear God.  (YIKES!)

    Ps. 46:10:  Be STILL, and know that I am God. 

So, if the handwriting is there, what can we do about it?  Afterall, this is your LIFE! 

How to Catch Your Breath

Mark 6:31:  And He said to them, "Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest awhile." For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure to even eat. 

1. Stop the constant push for more. 

   Ecc. 4:6:  Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and striving after the wind. 

   Proverbs 14:30:  A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot. 

   Proverbs 20:25:  It is a snare to say rashly, "It is holy," and to reflect only after making vows. 

** It's always easier to get into something than to get out of something!!!** 

2. Keep the sabbath day. 

   Exodus 20:9-10:  Six days you shall labor, and o all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God.  On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male or female servant, your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. 

3.  Stay close to Jesus. 

   Ps. 23:1-3:  The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.  He restores my soul.  He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake."

    Matthew 11:28-30: Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you fill find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light"  

  So, what do we need to do?  What every cop I've ever met has told me to do, "Slow Down!" 

Hard Shell or Soft Shell, 10K miles, and Tide Detergent

First of all, the answer is HARD SHELL! But we'll get to that in a minute because it mostly starts with my arrival back into the states in mid December.

For anyone wondering, reverse culture shock is a beast and still going, going, and going like the stinking Energizer Bunny! I'm not a fan.

So I arrived and was homeless until mid March, true story! I guess you could say I was living out of my car since between then and now I've put about 10K miles on it, but mostly I stayed in OPP (which I hope really does stand for Other People's Property) I'm definitely down with OPP yeah you know me- my friends have some really nice digs!

**Thank you Mom & Dad, Matthew & Cara, Carrie,  Coles, Ross', Whitehursts, Sandy, McConvilles, Tiffs, Mentons, Gambers, Waters, Days,  Montgomerys, Bagunus, Hollemans, Whitleys, Bales, Lauren,  McKays, Shands, Allens, Fentons,  Tuttles, Libba, Phillips, Lusbys, Harts, Aimee, Cruises, Louisiana District, Kolmans, Kirkpatricks, Yanceys, Grants, Steinbachs, McCarty, Shanna, and Jamie for your time, support, and hospitality already this year! ** 

Wow! I really get around! And I really did enjoy my time with each of them, but what I could've done without was all the stuff in my car- like 3 XL suit cases, a couple of totes, a couple overnight bags, all pertinent electronics, missions booth stuff, back pack, couple of purses, Vicks humidifier, case of water, case of coke,  you know, my LIFE! oh wait, let's not forget the 100oz, 64 load, bottle of liquid, original scent Tide detergent. It's like my American Express, I don't leave home without it.

Do you know what happens when a 100oz, 64 load bottle of thick blue liquid original scent Tide spills in your car/home/mobile office/closet/storage unit?  Because I DO!

 I'd just driven from OKC to Dallas and was checking into the Holiday Inn about to go pick Sara up from the airport and take her to the Thai Consulate to get her Visa. Other than the snow storm I'd just survived in OK, things had been pretty smooth as far as travels go, I was determined to be prepared and organized and just enjoy the road! I was unloading my neatly packed overnight bag when I noticed it, my soft shell suit case appeared to have something purple all over it, I touched it hesitantly it was sticky, I pulled it out thinking no harm, no foul I'll clean it off! WRONG! Harm AND Foul!

I'm not sure my description can do it justice, but I'm going to try:

First of all, I calmly went inside checked in and grabbed a nice white towel from my hotel room and went down to assess the damage. So.. imagine all that STUFF in my car. Imagine, a small canvas bag of electronics, chargers, camera, ipod, USBs, SOAKED! Imagine my brand new prayer cards in a cardboard box, DRIPPING! Imagine books filled with BLUE pages! Imagine my new to me car, recently detailed, with FORMERLY light tan, cloth interior! Imagine a bottle of 100oz Tide with about 20oz left! EVERY NOOK & CRANNY!  Did I mention it is raining? Because it's raining. I'm soaked, the parking lot is getting a good cleaning as soap bubbles surround the back of my car. Nonetheless I pulled it all out and wiped it down best I could, tossing what could not be salvaged, and went to close the hatch of my SUV. Do you know what happens in that indentation around the license plate when the hatch has been up in the rain for a good 20 minutes? It fills with water. Do you know what happens to said water when the hatch is slammed shut and you are 5'2'? My head was soaked and my silk blouse transparent! I then trekked thru the lobby and up to the 3rd floor of the Holiday Inn Express soaked with my newly blue STUFF! I ran the tub full of water and stuck it all in there, I didn't know what else to do. Then I opened the soft shell suit case to get out a change of clothes and surprise I now have thick sweaters and shirts and jeans pretreated with Tide, in a frenzy I dumped them all into the tub.  I threw on dry clothes and drove to the airport to pick up my friend. I came back to a blue liquid filled tub with electronics and sweaters, oops! It was then that we noted that there was a washer and dryer on the ground floor.. so we hauled the blue soaking wet sweaters and jeans, down the hall and into the elevator, machines full so we had to make a couple more trips. There are now "caution wet floor!" signs in the elevators and pretty much every where we had been and maids cursing in Spanish about some unknown agua azul!

Rereading this, I really CANNOT do this situation justice, but hopefully this gives you a glimpse to the Tide Fiasco.

What did I get out of this aside from a great smelling vehicle and lots of blue stuff?

Well, I had really been wrestling with God on some issues, some plights of those I love specifically stuff like  Psalm 51:17 where it says, The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. 

Why do you want us to be broken,  Lord? (Granted there are dozens of more verses about how He's near the brokenhearted, He desires to revive the broken in spirit, He heals the brokenhearted, etc. etc.) But He really desires for us to be broken for Him? It just sounds terrible. It doesn't preach, Lord. I don't like seeing my friends broken either.  And I don't really want any part of it myself, I'd tell Him. Then the Tide spilled.

64 loads is a lot of good cleaning out of one whole, sealed tightly bottle, but you wouldn't believe how far it can go when it's broken and spilled out. It reached nooks and crannies there's no way I could have even dreamed to reach or pour into from the whole, tightly sealed bottle. As I continue to find the tide and get whiffs from the back of my car, I'm reminded that when we're broken for Him even if some of that is for REAL brokenness, times of pain, discomfort, ugliness even, our reach is greater. Whole and tightly sealed with my controlled times of pouring out I've got 64 clean loads. Broken and spilled out my life reaches nearly unlimited nooks and crannies and nations. My reach is far extended and the pour is uncontrolled (by me anyway) now He's guiding and controlling the pours, it's reaching people and places I wasn't even aware existed (like the insides of USBs!) or maybe even kids in a village, up a mountain, and across a creek.

In her brokenness she now reaches mothers who have lost children born too soon because her story can now ooze into the depths of their pain and bring fellowship and healing. Out of his broken past he reaches those in the throes addiction. In their brokenness for the lost of Kenya they live among them and bring water to their parched souls and parched land. Out of the brokenness of poverty they endeavor to feed the nations. Out of the brokenness of a devastating tornado she joins the disaster relief team. Out of a broken home, a lonely childhood, they foster, they adopt. And these are just a few of my friends.

I guess the moral of the story is we should embrace our brokenness, but always buy hardshell luggage.

Clarity

This will just be a quickie, as I realize I really need to get back into the habit of writing whether it's here, an overdue newsletter, or recording the amazing grace filled stories of the Thai believers God gave me the privilege of working with over the last couple of years.

I must confess, US life is quite a bit faster paced and more overwhelming in a lot of ways than life in Thailand. Although abroad we have access to a lot of your news and articles and internet buzz, most of the time we have to seek it out, type it in, go looking for it. Here, not so much. Here the news, the noise, the opinions, the stuff, the BUZZ is just EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME! Sometimes I feel like I'm inside the Temple Grandin movie!

It's dizzying, like I drank too much and then I realize that I DID! Of the noise, I've listened too much, read too much, watched too much, put out too much and drank in too much- information, STUFF overload! This is not a blog about how I'm going to fast from my phone, the internet, television, billboards, my ipod, magazines, newspapers, my kindle,  the radio, books, blogs, social media, articles, movies, articles about movies, people, the voices in my head or any of it, or God forbid Netflix,  although it's all something to consider throwing out the window. It's about where I've found clarity in the midst of all that swirls and swooshes and swoops around me constantly, all the time, it's about what silences what surrounds us, the inescapable buzz.

I have many, many bad habits, but I have ONE really GOOD one. ONE that brings clarity, peace, understanding, straightening, cleansing, sets me upright, restores, renews, comforts, inspires, encourages, transforms, heals and guides me.  It's not a great therapist, 8 glasses of water a day, my best friend, it's not prayer, it's not fasting, it's not cross fit, it's not going to church, or Oprah or Joel Osteen podcasts, it's not helping others, or worship music, or yoga, or my mission's habit or even coca-cola. It's reading God's word, studying God's word, memorizing God's word.

I DO use guided Bible studies, but ones that systematically go thru God's Word because at the end of the day that's where the answers are, that's where the TRUTH is, that's where peace and clarity and an abundant life are found, in it's pages, in heeding it's guidance, it's very CLEAR direction for how to get thru all that swirls, swooshes, swoops, storms, and stomps around you today. This is my TRUTH. This is where clarity is found.

Thanksgiving in Thailand

What does Thanksgiving in Thailand look like?  Well, for me it looked like this:  I slept in, woke up and put some laundry in and hung it out to dry (the high for the day was 91 and the low was  63). I then made mashed potatoes that would hopefully feed 18 people, threw on shorts, a t-shirt, and some yellow box flip flops jumped on my motorcycle and headed up this mountain. 

 I stopped when I saw this sign. And parked my bike under this shade tree.

 I considered eating here by the water, but I had already had a bowl of mashed potatoes for lunch because there was no one there to smack my hand and say, "No, that's for tonight!"

 I didn't take the best seat in the house behind this bear's behind, but I just needed to wait on my apple tea and my friends before heading up this stairway to heaven. As I sat here I pondered how this might be the same view of the people who've had to stand behind me in line, I mentally apologized to those people in my mind and vowed right after Thanksgiving to get healthy.

My friends arrived and we ascended the stairway together. It's steep, but like most good things in life it's worth the climb. Because these chairs await atop.

 My friends went on to their torture massage,oh I mean Thai massage, but I camped here for an hour for the lofty sum of $6 and this was my view when the lady wasn't rubbing my feet, neck, or bringing me hot tea that is.

I sat and thought about how grateful I am for the life that God has given me (and for the lady rubbing my feet too, of course!) It's hard to be away from family any day, but especially today, but there's really no sweeter place to be than in the will of God, and as you can see,  He finds ways to sweeten the deal on days like today. I thanked Him for my wonderful family, for the memories of Thanksgivings past with grandparents and cousins and too many pies to choose from. I thanked Him for always providing "family" wherever He takes me on this journey. I thanked Him for the people who give every month that make this missionary life possible.  I thanked Him for joy and contentment and the fullness of life with Him. I thanked Him for technology so I don't entirely miss the sweetness of moments like this one.

I thanked him for the little things like yellow box flip flops, coca cola, & sweet tea.

I thanked him for the Thanksgivings that He hasn't allowed me to be at home because Thanksgiving in Haiti, Kenya, and Thailand evoke feelings of thankfulness that you don't even think of in the USA!  Then I thanked God for the little Haitian children, the people of Merielle, my Thai family and friends, and for all the wonderful opportunities and relationships and moments He's given me to serve Him. I thanked Him all the way back down the mountain to my house where we cooked some more and then I loaded my mashed potatoes on my bike like so:

And I arrived at the home of my Thai missionary family and the rest of the family came in with turkey and dressing and green beans and pies and sweet tea and mac n cheese and rolls.  We took a few moments to thank God and remember how He's blessed us and then we ate and ate and ate some more! There's plenty to be thankful for here in Thailand including that drowsy feeling that is now in full effect which is just fine because it's 9pm and totally an appropriate time to go to bed! Happy Thanksgiving All! May you be filled with overwhelming gratitude today!

#TBT: Party Like it's 1999

It was 1999, about a week after my 22nd birthday, I began the six year journey as "Pastor Mary" that would forever change my life and probably scar several hundred teenagers lives as well! I jest, for the most part, well for a little part, I jest. I inherited a closet for an office, a failing fundraiser, a missions trip to Orlando, and a few dozen teenagers. Bless our hearts, none of us had a clue what we were getting into. I could tell you a specific leadership mistake I made with each kid in this photo, but we're all smiling here so why ruin it!? I could also tell you about a jillion God moments, swimming pool moments, discipleship moments,  road trip moments, scary moments, whits ends moments, life changing moments too. The road was long and very bumpy, but we survived and had lots of encounters with Jesus along the way.

They were talented, fascinating, intelligent, hilarious, passionate humans then and now. Funny how many emotions I can feel looking at this 15 year old photo and how my heart can still be overwhelmed with love and concern for each and every one of them.

Did you know I don't like stuffed animals?  Did you know I still have an oversized Winnie the Pooh stuffed in a closet in the states because you all pooled your money at Disney World and bought it for me?

As I go to bed tonight, my prayers will be for Tim the husband and musician, Ryan the father, the worshipper,  Kristen the beautiful, intelligent, the administrator, Ashley the new wife and worship leader and creator, Alicia the wife and artist, Shaun the husband, carpenter, gun & motorcycle lover, Logan the veteran, the runner, the passionate, Andy the father, the hard worker, the friend, and Aaron the soldier, the learner, the gentle. As I pray for your sweet lives and the plans God has for them I will also thank God that I am safe and sound in Thailand with a bedroom door that locks because I have also NOT forgotten that on this very trip I slept on a pull out love seat in the open den and awoke to you all trying to slip into bed with me and take pictures while I slept!

Thanks #TBT for the memories.

Give me back my DIGNITY!!!!

Have you ever seen the movie Hook? If not, you're totally missing out, it's one of my all time favorites. But,  for those of you living under a rock somewhere, I'll give you a run down:

It’s a Peter Pan spin off starring Robin Williams and Julia Roberts. Towards the end of the movie Pan and Hook are going sword to sword, it's quite the show down. SPOILER ALERT: At one point Peter spears Hook’s hat off & it flies off along with his wig, revealing a fuzzy, balding head. It’s quite comical and a little sad. Hook realizes he’s been beat, but as Peter Pan stands over him, Hook admits defeat, but requests, “But please just give me back my dignity.” Pan obliges and places the man’s hat and long flowing hair back on his head before the dual is finalized with Pan as the winner.

My pastor's son Joseph was quite the Disney fan at a very young age, it's hereditary on his mother's side. Because of this scene in Hook, Jojo thought another word for hat was dignity. So, if you were in the habit of aggravating toddlers and took off running with his hat, he would say, "Give me back my Dipity!" If you listen you'll hear that same cry from people you pass every single day.  

We've all inwardly cried out the same, "Please! Just give me back my dignity!"

How often do you think about dignity?  Not your own, heck I think about how I'm going to preserve my own dignity all the time!  I know I'm not alone, I hear tales of failed attempts all the time, "I cannot believe I said that!" or "I seriously just walked around all night with my fly unzipped!" Oh wait, I didn't HEAR that one so much as LIVE it tonight until some sweet little Thai lady tried to tell me in Thai and when I didn't understand she reached down and grabbed my open zipper. #Dignityfail or more serious incidents that end with, "I don't think I've ever felt so small." We've all been there and likely spend a great deal of time avoiding situations, memories, and people that strip of us of our dignity. It's a full time job, preserving our own dignity, but what about preserving the dignity of another? Do we think about it? Do we attempt it in how we love, help, correct, treat, speak to another?

Sometimes, when I'm not so self involved, I'll see it in the pained expression of a stranger or hear it the frustration in their voice, "You win, I see I'm defeated, but would someone please just give me back my dignity?!" 

Earlier this year, I had to do a border run, which is nothing at all like a run for the border, there are unfortunately no tacos involved at all, but every 90 days I have to cross the border of Thailand, pay some monies, get my passport stamped and then head back over to fulfill Visa requirements. It's like any border, there's a lot hustle and bustle of activity, the opportunity to buy the local wares, and lots of officials trying to keep out the riff raff. We cross a foot bridge, underneath which runs a very dirty river. It's not just that the water quality is bad, it's that people throw their trash in it, relieve themselves in it,  and no telling what else; it reeks of sewage.  As we cross and I'm trying to take in all the sights and sounds and NOT the smells, I notice an elderly man making his way into water. Mind you it's not the main river, it's more like a canal that's been rerouted by developments. People bathe in rivers all the time, clean ones, dirty ones, I've seen it, it doesn't surprise or repulse me, it's a way of life for so much of the world.  But this isn't s spot you see people bathing, even the animals seemed to be avoiding it.  He's naked, but for tattered under clothes. He begins to take the dirty, filthy water in his cupped hands and "clean" his body. It hurt my heart. I didn't dare take a photo. 

I thought about how good it feels to be clean. You probably don't give it much thought unless you've ever been deprived of the opportunity to get clean for an extended period of time. It hurt my heart yes, because I wanted him to have such a basic thing, the opportunity to be clean, but because I knew what he was doing was just making his situation worse, I believe he knew it too, but as he lowered his frail body into that murky, brown water, he was trying to preserve just a little bit of dignity. I feel the same pang every time I see someone bow down to idol to earn protection, lay offerings at a spirit house for peace, or give baskets to monks for merit. Efforts of futility, bathing in waters of murk, only to walk away heavier than when we entered. 

The only dignity I have is the seal of Christ on my life everything else about me is undignified. 

Convoy of Hope taught me a lot about preserving the dignity of others while serving them and helping them regain dignity lost. And my personal encounters with Jesus in some pretty undignified circumstances of my own have taught me even more. 

What's this blog about any way?  Clean water? No, but that's pretty important. Preserving the dignity of others by not pulling out my camera when they're at their lowest? No, but that's of grave importance as well. 

It's about hearing the cries of those around me and you, "Please just give me back my dignity?" and answering, "Yes." With my body language, with my words, with my actions, with my help. 

We're surrounded by people trying to get clean in filthy water. We're surrounded by people grabbing at things trying to preserve their dignity that are only going to make their situation worse. 

It's in hopes that the next time I'm in the vicinity of that person who already feels defeated, that's going thru that divorce, wrapped up in addiction, knee deep in debt, that's publicly and privately failed, splashing in murky waters trying to get clean trying to preserve even the tiniest shred of dignity that I'll hear their cries. That when I see them reaching out for the pill, the make up, the idol, the false hope, the new purse, another relationship, the credit card, whatever it is, I won't somehow shout with dripping Dr. Phil sarcasm, "How's THAT working for ya dummy?!" That I'll respond allotting the same dignity that was so graciously allotted to me and somehow communicate that I've been there too in those murky waters and grasped at items of futility myself to get free, to get clean, but the only way to find that freedom, that cleansing, the dignity lost is to grasp tightly to the Hand ever extended to you and never, ever let go. 

Gracey Goes to El Salvador

When I first left for the mission field, I created Corbin and Charity, two fictional characters who would travel with me around the world to tell people about Jesus. It was created to connect kids to missions, to teach them about giving, the great commission, about other cultures, about all the different ways there are to share Jesus, well, that's what I tell people anyway. The TRUE story is, it was created for 5 little ones that were my nieces and nephews before I had nieces and nephews. Gracey, Austin, Logan, Delaney, and Lawson. We were all having a hard time saying our good byes so this was a way to stay connected. Now the club has several dozen members all over the US, but they were The Originals!  

I've taken Gracey's "Charity" to 8 different countries over the past 5 years, but this summer, Gracey's mama took the real live 12 year old Gracey to El Salvador. I couldn't wait to hear all about it so I asked Gracey to write me a little something about her trip and this is what she said:

     "When I arrived in El Salvador I didn’t feel like I was in another country because we were at kings castle, (a training center for teams and discipleship center for Salvadoreans) BUT when we drove 4 hours outside the city and arrived in the village I figured it out!  We did 4 whole programs that day (a program means we would go into the middle of the street where people live and do dances, dramas, games, then share about Jesus and pray with them) When we got done our leader Shaira said it's not normal to do 4 programs in a row (especially since we were in the hottest part of the country!). It is beautiful there and the view was amazing, but not as amazing as the children! Another cool thing was I met this really nice and pretty girl named Doniela even though we didn’t speak the same language I felt a connection.  When all of this was finished and we went back to kings castle at our good-bye party we were told we reached 2396 people with the Gospel, 500 made decisions to ask God into their heart! We prayed for 177 people who were having problems at home and for 182 sick people,  and we saw 3 miracles! We did 19 programs, so ya, God did a lot in those 19 programs! The last day we all got up at 3:30am and headed for the airport on the bus.  There were a lot of tears as we said good-byes.  When we got home some of us wanted to go back to El Salvador and then some of us were like “THANK YOU JESUS WE ARE BACK AND IN AIR CONDITIONING!!!!!!!!!!!!”  I think I was a little bit of both!"

 

GRACEY

  Some might wonder if 12 years old is too young to go on an overseas mission's trip, so I asked her mama this morning via FaceTime,  "Are you glad you took her?"  Her reply, "Oh yes! It was wonderful!" She also added, "It was soo hot, we slept on the concrete floor of a church, and took cold showers, and ate the local food and I did not hear one complaint from Gracey! And you know she's a high maintenance kid! If it's hot here at home, she's not going outside and she's a very picky eater, but she did not complain one time and ate everything she was served!" So, it looks like there was a 4th miracle on this trip! So evidently 12 years old is a fine time to hop a plane with mom or dad and go tell some people in a different land that Jesus loves them! Thanks Chesney & David for being such great friends, supporters, and parents! Thanks Gracey for sharing your story with us! 

I'm pretty sure this prayer embrace at the church
altar answers my "are you glad you took her?"
question better than words ever could!