I Knew Being Single was Going to be the Death of Me: "Sacurity!!!"

I figured it would be from falling off two chairs stacked on top of one another while trying to change out the battery in my smoke detector, or from my unsupervised use of a drill, or maybe even from celibacy, but one afternoon taught me a whole new way being single is going to kill me. Due to my frequent travel abroad, it was requested of me to go thru a bit of a security training boot camp to better prepare me for what to do in the event that I'm taken captive while overseas. It's supposed to be empowering and while I highly recommend that anyone who travels abroad much go thru the training, I have to admit I had a bit of an adverse reaction to it all.

  You see it's taught by former FBI personnel,  and while the guy sounded just like Magnum PI; he unfortunately looked nothing like him. They kept referring to the speakers as special agent, so throughout the training I kept having to suppress laughter because I kept hearing, "Hi! I'm Very Special Agent Tony Dinozzo!"  There are several different aspects to the training, including some simulations for what they call "stress inoculation."

  I'll give you some of the training for free Donation to MB's Mission's Account:    If traveling, upon arrival ask for your hotel room to be switched preferably to the 3,4, or 5th floor.  This foils any preplanned robbery, keeps you high enough off the ground to keep someone from climbing into your window, but is still accessible to most fire ladders even in developing nations. Don't publicize your destination on social media and turn off location services for photos, etc. And last, but not least cooperate with and build rapport with your captors if you find yourself in a hostage situation. This is why in movies people at gun point always say stuff like, "I have a family!" Which I'm glad I now know because I always thought that was dumb, "Um, he wants to kill you, I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to see a family photo!" Turns out family photos can be life saving IF you have a family. Oh and don't lie, try to always tell the truth to your captors.

  So, they train you and then they stress you out. Lucky for me I was taken captive with other people because while there are supposed only be two responses to stress, fight or flight, I, of course,  am unique and fit into a third category, FREEZE. It's just a simulation, I know this. I'm still in the same building I've been in the last 3 days, even with the black sack over my head I can still make out Magnum PI's voice as my captor. Yet, I still begin to have shortness of breath and find myself in need of my inhaler under this black sack, but I don't say anything, I just can't. Luckily when taken to our destination one of my fellow captives begins to build rapport and test the boundaries and ask if we can take the sacks off our faces. Captor says yes, due to my ragged breathing, someone else asked that I be given a bottle water, and I was given some water. The captors begin to talk to one another and my co-captives begin to do just as we've learned, they begin to build rapport. The man beside me begins to engage in conversation about his two kids and pregnant wife at home while the other couple literally pulls out pictures of their grandkids! I'm still frozen, but I don't have a husband or kids, and I'm not supposed to lie, so what would I say, "My mama would really miss me?!" I'm pretty sure if they have to kill one hostage to make a point it's going to be me! I'm panicky, mute with fear, and I don't have a family, this is when I realized being single was going to be the death of me. I've built ZERO rapport, so much for that expensive masters degree in counseling, I've even served on crisis management teams, turns out all that training is worthless on me. FROZEN.

  In all honesty, I went home after the whole ordeal and had a serious talk with the Lord. They told us all throughout the training that neither the Assemblies of God nor the United States negotiates with terrorists and that any proposed ransom would not be paid. I've NEVER been afraid to travel, but this "empowering" security training had done me in! All the sudden I didn't want to go ANYWHERE. As the Lord and I are chatting, I said, "well did you know they're not going to pay my ransom?" And He quickly reminded me that my ransom has already been paid, that He's ensured my freedom on calvary many moons ago,  that the real captives are the ones who haven't had the opportunity to hear about Him, the ones He was sending me to. It was tough to argue after that, but I still gave it a pretty good shot, but still found myself on 17 hour flight to Southern Asia just 2 short weeks later, but that's a whole other story.  I have to get off here and work on my e-harmony profile as it seems my life might depend on it!

In honor of this great "Sacurity," please watch the following video, you're welcome.