Kicking and Screaming

Trust! Totally along for the ride!

We can totally rest in His shade!

Some of you will be surprised at this, others of you will not, but kicking and screaming is kind of my M.O.  Now before you start to remind of times that this was evident, I must say I've gotten much better..... externally.  Internally, me and the Lord go round and round.

Today my devo was about Jonah.  (Have I mentioned I'm doing a fabulous devo by Kelly Minter!?) Oh, I have?  My bad.  Jonah kind of gets a bad rap, but I feel for him and maybe relate to him a little bit. I'm human, alright?! Geez! I may or may not grumble at God occasionally when His ways just don't make sense to me or His timing is OFF! I'm restLESS more often than I just rest in His presence.

A statement in my devo I highlighted was, "Surrender is about the will; trust is about the heart."

Total Surrender, Total Trust, Total Freedom!

I'm much better about the surrender part than I am the trust part.  He says, "Go and do there."  And I'll go and do THERE, but I kick and scream all the way.  I'm obedient, but my heart's not so much in it. Or He says, "Sit and wait here."  (My LEAST favorite!) And I'll do it, I'm obedient, but inwardly (and sometimes outwardly too!) It's arms folded, brow furrowed, and lip out!  Then it turns out for my good or somebody else's good and all the sudden my heart's in it! ha! One day I hope to get surrender, obedience, heart, & attitude right all in the same day!

I'm sure it's hard to imagine me doing any of this (ha!), but maybe you can envision your children doing it, "Go clean your room, please," or "One more bite of your vegetables, please," and they may submit, but the sighing and stomping and eye rolling all scream, "I'm doing this, but my heart is NOT in it and I do NOT trust that this is for my good!"

I also highlighted, "He is calling me not merely to seek an answer FROM Him, but seek an answer WITH Him.  To TRUST Him during the process of exploring His heart for my life's decisions, not just to throw my hands up in resignation, sighing, Thy Will Be Done!" (Story of my life!)

In the end she had us examine Psalm 121:  And it made me laugh at my lack of trust and lack of ability to just rest in whatever place it is that He has me at the moment!

You can read it for yourself, but this was how my head translated it:

Where does my help come from?
Oh.. Just the Maker of Heaven and Earth.

He won't even let my foot slip!
He doesn't take breaks.

(The actual vs part of that says He who watches over you will not slumber! One time I was camping in the Massai Mara.  Where the BIG cats roam! A couple of Massai Warriors were hosting us and had committed to stand watch over our campsite while we slept! The next morning ginormous paw prints were found very, very close to my tent.  When asked if they saw them and how they scared them away, they said, "Oh we got tired and went home to sleep!" Hahahah! Thankful my God doesn't slumber! )

He watches over me.

He won't even let my foot slip!

He SHADES me.
No harm will become me!
He doesn't just watch over my physical well being, but MY LIFE!
My coming and going both NOW and FOREVER!

It's been so hot lately the SHADED part really stuck out to me.  I mean, it's not super important that I don't break a sweat, but to Him it is, He cares if I'm hot, He wants to SHADE me!

The sun will not harm you.

The actual vs. says the sun nor the moon will harm me.

He who watches over you will
not slumber. 

My mind immediately went to my FB timeline, it seems everyone in my life has babies and is at the beach! (Earlier this week, a friend asked me if all the babies in my life make my womb ache!?  Ha! I laughed inside and out as I thought about the nap I was going to take later that day!) I do LOVE the babies that fill my FB feed!  I see the sun screen photos, the sun hats, the little chunk taking a beach nap under her tent, the life jackets, the out stretched arms there to catch them coming off the slide and I think what a perfect picture of how much I can trust God and how much He loves me and cares for me and how the kicking and screaming is totally unnecessary because I can totally trust the one who shades me, protects me, is there to catch me, keeps me afloat, and won't even let my foot slip!